For the past few months, I haven't been feeling very bi. I'm mostly straight to begin with and was very picky about the girls I thought were cute or was in other ways attracted to, but recently I haven't really been feeling it. It hit me when I realized that the other day I saw the first girl I thought was cute in a long time. I think I've gone through this before, though never in the other way by feeling mostly gay. Has this ever happened to you?
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Oklahoma
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/02There's nothing wrong with that.
In the past 5 years or so I've go from being pretty equal (bisexual or whatever you want to call it), to mostly homosexual (to the point where I'm simply not aroused by women bio or trans, at all) and then back to being pretty equal but leaning more towards men both sexually/romantically like usual.
It sounds weird but with men I can be into kink/BDSM but I'm fine with vanilla sex too; but with women I have never had vanilla sex because I've never wanted it with a woman.
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/02I get told that I'm both bi and gay or bi/gay (most of my bi male friends use this combined label/both labels since we're both and inbetween bisexual and homosexual and go back and forth between the two), so I'll use both labels if I feel like it and explaining my sexuality to people (if they actually care or want to really hear about it, however I don't think I need to explain anything); but I also use queer, sometimes both Androphile and homophile (as I personally crave male sexual energy/male affection/male romance), and I know that I don't really fit into any of the labels that well as a person and human. -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03well - on myspace, they coined a term for people that were normally called "bi-curious" but had gone past the curiosity stage... they called themselves, hetero-flexible. it seemed natural (and accurate to me) to self-label as homo-flexible (altho it is not at all a commonly used term). maybe we could start a group and popularize it... lol
oh - the original OP wouldve fit the hetero-flexible label fairly accurately, imo. im not so sure about newt - but i feel fairly comfortable with the label homo-flexible. it takes a special woman to make me sit up and take a sexual-energy-type-notice, but almost any guy catches my eye for one reason or another...
just a thought... of course, these labels just serve to further narrow down the whole bisexual label - which for some reason many people have a tough time accepting. i think it is because we are so used to the "perfect" symmetry of current bicycles (their wheels are almost always identical sized). if we still lived in an era where a bicycle had one huge wheel and one tiny wheel like when they were first invented - maybe society would be more accepting of the bisexual label. idk - just some random thoughts for the evening... -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03oh - to answer the original question - yes, it has happened to me before - but, like newt, my back-and-forth tend to be between gay and bi. the many months timeframe seems reasonable. sometimes the cycle is faster, but i dont think ive spent more than a couple years in any state without at least "noticing" the other sex in an erotic way.
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03I don't like the labels heteroflexible or homoflexible (shouldn't they be reversed anyway?) since they're just other words for bisexual. -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03Eh, that's not how I saw it. And even if they were, so? Labels exist for a reason, and some people fit them perfectly. I am what I am, and just because I'm more straight than gay that doesn't make me any less bi. I never got the idea that you had to be perfectly balanced straight and gay to be bi.
Thanks for the answers though :) -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03Seedlet: I like how you wrote this >just because I'm more straight than gay that doesn't make me any less bi. I never got the idea that you had to be perfectly balanced straight and gay to be bi.<
People don't always get that, bisexuals included.
I used to chat with some idiot psychopath who claimed that he was more bisexual than I am because he has a wife and slept with 2,000 men in about 5 years without her knowing it, and how he's more into women for relationships and just having casual sex with men.
Note-I don't care that he's more het than I am but I just didn't like his attitude and how he would get like that, so I no longer talk to him and I didn't tell him off because that would be pointless and just egging him and his small ego on.
I've posted on bisexual forums and I've had men who are more hetero than I am tell me how I'm really gay and how they can somehow tell better than I can and they see this as a bad thing while I just see it as them being close minded and homophobic.
I'm not going to get started on what I've experienced from close minded bisexuals about being into safe/sane/consensual bondage/SM.
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03egads... sorry... can i take it all back? i wasnt trying to offend or ruffle feathers... really.
maybe it is just me - im having trouble with labels for myself these days...
ive never considered myself "straight" - even as a little kid - but i did not know enough (70s) to use the label "bi" and i did not consider myself "gay" (or "homo" or "fag" or any of the other semi-derogatory - at the time - labels) somewhere along the line i started using (in my own head) the term "bi", however i was (and i guess still am - a bit closeted about my bi-ness). i am perfectly willing to use and accept the label, but i dont put it out there as a first-contact type of impression when i meet someone. i HAVE met folks who do, and i can respect them for their choice and extroversion. maybe even wish i was more like them.
it really is just me, but im still having trouble accepting that bi is not perfectly balanced. i really would like some perfection in my life... i know that _I_ am not perfect, but dammit - id like "something" to be perfect. and for whatever reason, i have this weird desire that "bi" should be it... thus, i dont often claim the label for myself... yeah yeah, im weird...
thus, i still look around at the labels (and they continue to evolve) and seeing if one of them fits me (this week). clearly - not i, nor anyone, really needs a label to be themselves. but it seems to help create a social shorthand for others, myself included. when i meet someone new, i appreciate having them provide me with their label - and if i am really interested in pursuing further contact, then i can ask for details. otherwise, it is just a social nicety - like asking "what do you do?" etc...
in an effort to feel unique, i guess, i like to try on the latest labels (if they seem to apply to me) and hopefully someone will find me (or at least the label) interesting enough to follow up on the discussion...
i made a mistake. i unfortunately placed my labels onto you - without your consent. please accept my apologies.
back-to-being-bi-for-now, harold. :-)
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03Yea for recognizing that we're all on a sliding scale! I was told the other day by this man who is in love with me (that I do not feel the same for) that he sees me as "half man and half woman." I took it as a compliment! -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/04It's interesting, I've found that for me (and so many of my friends too) sexuality is quite fluid. I think Kinsey's report brought to light the reality that MOST people are neither 100% straight nor 100% gay but the one factor his report failed to address is how fluid our sexual identity can be over the course of our lives.
I do believe that our sexuality goes through the same kind of growth and change our personalities do as we go through life. We often find ourselves thinking we have to fit into some kind labeled description of our sexuality and identify with that label as though it's who we are rather than simply a descriptor of how we feel comfortable expressing our sexual selves at that point in time.
Perhaps a label such as "omni-sexual" would allow for this kind of fluidity?
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/03My Kinsey number tends to vary widely ... most of the time I'm mostly straight, but once in a while it dips well into the gay end of the spectrum for a short period, and then swings back. It doesn't have to be constant or equal or anything - just so long as you feel there is some bi-ness there, be bi!
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/04Definetly. I recently went through similar thoughts until I had seen a guy that's "packed". I thought I could have melted a glacier when I seen him. Anyway, when I get those thoughts it's going through a denial stage. Have to realize when I can accept me, then other people can accept me.
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/10So what are all of your Kinsey numbers? Do people actually go by the 50 year old scale still? -
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Re: Not feeling it.
06/10Well any way of quantifying this sort of thing is a vague approximation at best... the Klein grid is more accurate but not very succinct. I AM NOT A NUMBER! lol
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