being bisexual

I freely admit that the 2 girls in a bisexual relationship is a really erotic issue.

I think it would be an awkward position. maybe he just doesn't want to express his desire because he thinks it is hers and that might take away from it. that might be closer to treating it like polyamory, but if he isn't comfortable with the whole scenario, he may think not getting involved is the safest way emotionally. he doesnt have to know and he doesnt risk 'intruding.' this makes a good amount of sense because you said 'future girlfriend' which is a relationship unto itself.

Oh definately. I agree there's probably miriad explanations for it. I just mean, if I were a girl (and let's face it, I'm half of one already ;) And I offered my boy the chance at a threesome and he said no? I would find it strange, in the way that I'd wonder what affected them to make them pre-disposed to turn down what's basically the standard male fantasy. lol

"Most men in a relationship with a bi girl, especially if they're younger, will want to be a part of the relationship between the 2 women, particularly if the girl is new at the experience. He'll feel that they're on the road to discovery "together." Should she not condone it, the guy will typically get jealous, and then starts behaving in ways that either voices his displeasure at being left out or if not voiced, through behavior. Even if he should allow her the space, I guarantee if he's not allowed to participate, he will act up eventually. Keep in mind these are younger people...older more experienced people may be wiser to set their boundaries with their mate early on with what they are or are not willing to do with their partner, particularly if the woman already is aware of her bisexuality and has experience in same sex relationships."

l agree that the older you are, the better you might be at setting your boundaries. That doesn't mean you don't set them at a younger age. And if the women is already aware of her bisexuality, then it's her responsibility to be clear about that, or to figure out whether or not her relationship is a healthy one if he punishes her for something he already agreed to.

"<"The girl who is in the relationship will always run back to her man when she gets uncomfy,"
Always, huh. You sure about that? Again, specific situation. Maybe specific to you, but not always the case.>"

What planet are you living on?"

The one where l don't make broad, negative generalizations about both genders equally. You keep stating everything as fact - you don't know, for example, what the girl in the relationship is *always* going to do. l'm pointing out the fallacy of such a sweeping generalization when it's simply not a generalization you can definitively make about everyone who finds themselves in this particular situation.

"No, I just understand young women and can see something coming 1,000 miles away."

Nice. So not only do you predict a situation you can't possibly predict will happen with her, you patronize her by assuming that because she's young, she doesn't have a brain of her own and can't be clear about her boundaries? We have no idea how her man feels about it based on what she's told us, yet you're pretty quick to assume it's going to go badly. Or at least quick to discourage the idea. How do you promote and support bisexuality if you are discouraging exploring it with someone at the same time? Being actively bisexual within a relationship is hard. Hell, relationships in general are hard. But that's how we learn. l understand wanting to give her some thoughts that she may not be aware of. But there's a clear difference between saying something like, "Hey, this all sounds great. l would recommend being clear about your boundaries" and what you said, which was basically, "This isn't going to work, and don't involve your man, because he's gonna throw a tantrum." Really. Read it over. You essentially told her the only way it can work - presumably because she's young - is to not involve the man she's going to marry (regardless of whether or not he wants to be involved) and to only date a woman who also has a man because she *might* not be mature enough to handle it without one. l have no clue whatsoever what kind of advice you're giving here. You say it's trying to prevent her from being hurt, but that's not at all what it looks like. lt looks like you had a relationship gone bad that you are now saying is going to happen to her, yet you have no evidence to state that as undeniable fact, which you keep doing here. And maybe it's the delivery that's the problem.

<"What is balanced, however, is if both women have their own men that way if there's ever any uncomfortableness one isn't left hanging."


<l didn't accuse you of anything. l said you were projecting, and you still seem to be doing so. My main issue is a nasty comment to the effect of the men acting like whiny babies. >

"Why, do you feel the need to defend?"

Who, the men? l don't think it's a fair or respectful statement. There are far more constructive ways to outline how someone might feel without degrading them and calling them names.

"I've dealt with enough of them myself to know how they behave in a whole host of circumstances....I certainly don't need you to tell me that they're not that way, often, because I know it's true."

Then l'm sorry for you, because there are a lot of really wonderful men out there that are mature, earnest and communicative. However, that's neither here nor there. While the scenario you outline can and does happen, you state it like it's the only outcome here. l choose to give the poster and her man a little more credit than that. <shrug>

"And when I say "whiny" that can also mean passive-aggressive and plain aggressive behavior. True, there are the exceptions to the rule but generally those are very conscious, mature individuals and the majority of people are not."

The majority? l disagree. That may be your experience, but that's precisely why l feel like it's projection. lt's your unhappy experiences coloring and adding circumstantial details that, so far, don't seem to exist with this particular couple. Or at least, not that we know of.

"In your mind, anyway. Not in mine."

Okay. Well, l wasn't "accusing" you of anything.

"Why not...maybe it will help her to avoid receiving or giving heartache, and that's not a bad thing."

No, but it helps if your advice applies to the situation she describes. Otherwise, it looks like you're insulting the intelligence and maturity of the couple as a unit.

"Happen to be, sure. But not knowing her, I wanted to show her another side of the situation...which is in fact what she was looking for....the voice of experience from everyone, not just Ali."

Oh, gimme a break. At no point have l implied my voice is somehow more important. l just choose to give her and her man the benefit of the doubt and address the facts l'm given, rather than assuming all this other non-related stuff *might* happen and address that, thereby sidetracking the topic and not actually answering the questions she originally asked.

"Sure, but I don't know too many women going into a relationship with a woman for the first time, at her age, to stop and have a conversation about it ahead of time. Get real."

l know a number of young women who are bi and very clear about what that means for them and in regards to their relationships. Philipa is one of them. l knew these things full well when l was nineteen. Why do you assume she's just a child who's incapable of discussing that? Especially with someone she plans to marry? YOU get real. l mean, did you even bother asking her what her discussions with him entailed? No, you just assumed she's not mature enough to have had any real or healthy communication on the matter.

"I diss men because I'm sick of their bullshit"

So? Since when does your baggage dictate the rest of the experiences people have?

"and I have a right to speak my experiences and why I am sick of it. Sorry if you don't like it...last time I checked I didn't need permission for my opinions."

Hey, you go right ahead with your bad self, l could give a shit. That doesn't prevent me from commenting on the *seriously* flawed and subjective opinions and insults you're throwing around.

"So he says...for right now...wait until it actually happens and see how things may change."

Wow. lt must really suck to be so bitter.

hey ali!

back in high school, my friends friend thought i was a lesbian cuz i wasnt dating guys and some other ppl thought i was 2. thats true, if bisexuals dont educate people about their sexuality then who will? how come gays and lesbians cleared up their sexualities on tv? i think the prob is that 2 many bisexuals are in the closet but angelina jolie came out with her sexuality, she was like one of the few bisexuals. my man doesnt wanna be involved with the another woman, he said why should i date her as well when i am the only who wants to be with u (meaning me)? we still discuss about stuff when i find the right girlfriend. you sound like a true bisexual who is true to herself and doesnt use it as an excuse to get laid.

i mean do you still have lesbian friends right now? :P

what i meant by
"i was thinking if u and another person are in the same situation, why be predujice and a jerk about it?" why meet other ppl who are in similar situations as you are in and they are predujice about ur sexuality, u know? like i told a lesbian, why r u so judgmental about bisexuals when its a sexuality too? bisexuals still lose their jobs, families, and friends over their sexuality it happens everyday, thats what i mean. im sayin ppl who are like minded that are in the same situation why are they so judgmental?

do bisexual men get mistreated by gay men too? i heard from a lesbian on myspace that gay men dont really complain about bisexual men and their sexualities, its just the lesbian women that do. :P