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Would you prefer to date a BI guy or a Str8 guy?
And why?
Thanks for your feedback
And why?
Thanks for your feedback
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what little experience i have had was really nice.
yes, i would prefer it, b/c i hope it would mean that the guy has an equal amount of feminine and masculine energy, and would be able to match me in that way.
most straight men i have been with consider my bisexuality to be either a threat or an opportunity for "two girl on one guy" action - rather limiting and boring. they see nothing beyond the sexual, whereas i see at least my own bisexuality as a reflection of my inner mas/fem. nature, and it plays out in all of who i am - -
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I don't put my sexuality on the table.
That means that I generally attract what I put out into the universe....doesn't mean that I always get a fantastic person though!
My last girlfriend thought that bisexual women in particular were "sluts". What a huge insult! Yet my opinion is that men...much like women...have had an array of sexual experiences. So... in my opinion, we are all bisexual...just waiting for the "right' person to open our eyes.
everyone is fair game. -
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Unsu...
Sorrell wrote:
>I don't put my sexuality on the table.
>That means that I generally attract what I put out into the universe....doesn't mean that I always get a fantastic person though!
Actually, and I say this gently, the logic in this proposition seems to be somewhat reversed. If like attracts like, then not putting your sexuality on the table may attract persons who do something very similar.
The question is, "What does 'similar' mean?"
Americans are the most sexually obsessed people on the planet, but also the most puritan and sexually confused. Putting one's sexuality on the table is an interesting way of putting it, and I take no issue with the way you put it.
But that raises another question.
It is: So what's wrong with putting one's sexuality on the table? Is sexuality only an optional commodity? Or is it not central to who and what we are as a person? If we should choose to "put it out on the table," how can we do it artfully, without being trivial, crude or juvenile?
Finally, I [gently] disagree with your assumption that everyone is bisexual. That's a very old notion and IMO, it's way overused. People are widely different. Russell Crowe is almost certainly not a closet case. Tom Cruise almost certainly is. There are a jillion shades of gray in between.
Everyone, therefore, is not "fair game" especially if one actually wants a sense of intimacy and erotic compatibility. Emotional fulfillment, not just orgasms, actually count for quite a lot.
Before we find the "right" person, therefore, I am thinking we need to really know ourselves. Then, assuming like attracts like, we might actually get what we want.
In summary, I am emphatically not an undifferentiated lump of protoplasm. I am not a bisexual amoeba. Individuality counts for quite a lot and, yes, one's unique erotic identity--which is essentially mysterious and usually tends to evade easy labels--is often sitting there at the very center of one's individuality, feeling pretty vulnerable and very neglected .
What to do about it? That brings us back full circle. Again, I think it's absolutely essential that we find ways to put our sexuality on the table in ways that are artful, honest and appropriate.
It is, after all, at the very core of our existence.
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Kat, you speak wisely indeed. My True Self is both masculine and feminine, even though my soul occupies a male
physical body. I think of myself as a Polyamorous Bisexual who believes in having relationships that are fluid, flexible
and free of all forms of possessiveness and jealousy. True love is unconditional.
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l prefer bi everything.
Ali, who doesn't mean to sound so, um, classist or something....it's just all really hot
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My current and last bfs are both straight but understanding of gays and bisexuals, and I haven't had any problems with it. In fact, my first boyfriend was bi, and he was probably my least favorite out of all of them.
So, I don't really have enough experience to say one way or the other, but so far I don't think I'd rally care one way or the other. -
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Unsu...
I had a similar experience as seedlet . . . and sometimes I feel like there can be some lack of complementariness with a bi man - too much femme not enough butch in the relationship . . . but I don't think you can generalize from me to other bi Fs because everyone of us has such a unique profile of animus anima talents etc. . .
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I will admit I do find them more Yummy....
What Kali said resonates with me...
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I've only ever dated one bi man, and we had *great* fun together, I have to say. But I've been in an LTR with a straight man for 20 years, and it's never been a problem. There are times when I'd have loved to have vicariously done some of our gay male friends through him <lol>, but it's never affected my quality of life or anything. I've never dated any women who weren't bi, though, and that has seemed easier, since they seem to understand why I like my guy, where some of my lesbian pals do not.
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My fiancé is bi, and over the course of our relationship (we're poly/swinger) she's moved further and further away from guys who aren't bi. She's said that she simply isn't as satisfied by the limitations strict heterosexuality impinge on sex.
-Sean -
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She's said that she simply isn't as satisfied by the limitations strict heterosexuality impinge on sex.
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She has a point. One of the most common arguments (so to speak) that l run into with the men l date - and l've yet to date a bi man - is that l get both and they don't. When l say, well, yeah, but l don't mind you being with another female, they still often feel they're getting the short end of some stick that l'm apparently not holding. l'm not entirely sure why this is, and l've never understood that particular argument, if they're, well, STRAIGHT. Are they pissed they don't get to bone both genders and aren't wired that way? -
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My (good) ex-husband was extremely clear with me that he was perfectly happy to have me having sex with women, but that he wouldn't stand for me having sex with another man. I tried arguing with him for ages that affection is affection regardless of gender, but a) he never got it, and b) I figured I was *not* getting the short end of the stick and so I just shut up about it. The ex was definitely not bi, though he had no issues with anyone else's sexuality.
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<<he was perfectly happy to have me having sex with women, but that he wouldn't stand for me having sex with another man.>>
It's odd how many guys don't consider sleeping with another woman cheating. I actually had that agreement in place with more than one ex, although I don't remember ever using it. Well, except with my ex-husband, but he met me in my lesbian phase so we started out as a threesome.
I've only dated a few bi guys, but they definitely haven't been effeminate. In fact, all the crazy-edgy jumpin'-outta'-planes freaks I've dated have been bi guys.
I add to the general opinion that guys who are secure in their sexuality are just hot. Plus, they're a lot harder to offend. Ironically, I often manage to attract prudish, uptight guys, so any lack of repression is icing on my cake. -
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I have the odd feeling that you might describe me as a tad "uptight and prudish" after the discussion about my feelings re: BDSM. :P
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<<I have the odd feeling that you might describe me as a tad "uptight and prudish" after the discussion about my feelings re: BDSM. :P>>
Doubt it. But, just in case, don't take it personally. MOST people are uptight and prudish when measured against my standards (which were heavily influenced by R.A.Heinlein, Timothy Leary and a ten year subscription to Playboy at a tender age). But really, I always manage to find the one guy in the crowd that doesn't drink, loves Mom, and never cheats on his taxes. You know, the kind of guy who is so square he doesn't even pee in the shower. Think Dharma and Greg straight....
Whereas, on the other hand, there's me. I don't have a single friend who hasn't seen me naked at one time or another. I like to hitch hike. I rarely use toilet seat covers. I've had sex in public and gotten applause for it. I used to shave my head but nothing else on my body. I don't give a rat's ass about most rules and authority figures unless they are somehow useful to me, to include most social rules about politeness and proper behavior. I accept without blinking things that most people would be turned off by but get all inordinately offended about things that are usually considered good things, like excessive hygiene. Cleanliness is not next to godliness, cleanliness is in aisle 6, right next to the damn diapers and other smelly shit.
And as for you personally, maybe I *would* describe you that way, but only because right off the bat you seemed to immediately judge me as too wild, too kinky, or whatever those "too" labels are that take my experience so far out of your personal comfort zone. I freely admit to being somewhat over the top. I prefer to set standards, not follow them. And I like to try new stuff. I don't mean to scare people away, though. Just because I'm a freak doesn't mean anyone else has to be. Each to his own. Diversity is what makes us interesting. But yeah, I'm a lot to take if you're at all "uptight and prudish"... -
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Ahh, yeah, I'm definitely not a Greg. I can get with the Stranger In A Strange Land idea, though I never cared for Heinlein's writing style. I guess it's kind of a pity, because I like the ideas, just not his presentation of them.
I seem to fall into a weird no-man's land with regard to these sorts of things. I'm too freakish for straight people and too straight for everyone else... seem to be perpetually unable to find that class of "free lovin' hippies" who have a relaxed way about gender orientation and partnering maps (poly / mono / etc), yet aren't also heavily into the whole D/s thing. The SM thing or even the bondage thing isn't really so much the issue -- they're not turn-ons for me, but they're not big turn offs either. I'd be okay with using a flogger on someone or tying them up if that's what they wanted (though I'm not *interested* in it). I even like trying new positions, toys, etc.
It seems like though that the people I meet mostly want genuine D/s play, which to me is just way too much like fucking my mother (or becoming her). Neither of which are at all appealing (which doesn't even have anything to do with incest -- she's just a totally unappealing person in every imaginable way). Being "dominated" by her is probably the primary reason I ended up in the relationship with my ex-wife and ultimately by the time that relationship was over 9 years later, was nearly incapable of accepting a blow-job from my current SO (who *wanted* to give them to me). So ... D/s ... yeah, no thanks. Had more than enough of that shit already, don't need any more.
Sorry... don't mean for it to sound ... well however it sounds... :P probably... was just intended to be an explanation of where I'm at and why, without any judgments on anyone else's kink preferences... it's frustrating, but it's mine and I know it's mine and it's only a reflection on myself not on anyone else. :) -
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<<It seems like though that the people I meet mostly want genuine D/s play, which to me is just way too much like fucking my mother (or becoming her)>>
I think I sort of know where you're coming from on this one. I don't really "get" role play. I've never been able to do it. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure what the point is. I tend to take things literally, which means that I miss the point of a lot of games like that. Just like I seem to be missing the ability to understand a particular variety of humor, I can't "pretend" in certain ways, either. I have yet to be able to wrap my brain around a lot of the D/s stuff for just that reason. It seems somehow contrived to me. But I like subspace a lot - that euphoric, floaty feeling I get from sensation play. I'm into the body/mind connection/disconnection and exploring that with people. I've played enough roles in my life. I'm not really eager to invent ones in bed. I'd rather just be me, and be beyond me. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Now that's more like it. :) I think "contrived" is a good way of describing how I feel about it much of the time, but I guess part of the reason I reject the notion of D/s play at least for myself is because I perceive that others need or want it to be non-contrived, to be a basic or "primal" need, which it's not for me. Though if it were, then it seems like it really would just be going back to that very manipulative and abusive parent-child relationship I had before and I have no desire to relive that in either role. So I guess in your case you are the "odd man out" I've been looking for at least in that respect. :) So if we were nearby and I could keep my knee from jerking too much, a romantic relationship between you and I might actually work out. Though Tiff has some of the same reactions to the subject of BDSM and for very similar reasons -- that people we've met seem to be way more "into" it than they realize and she has similar past abuse scenarios she's not interested in reliving (having had sex forced on her more than once). Which may say more about the people we've met than it does about BDSM in general. So between us, there's that issue that she can't really be comfortable with me being in a relationship where someone else wants me to be their Dom (which I'm not really interested in anyway) because of the potential that it might change the way I behave and bleed into the relationship between her and I. Much better for us to just omit the D/s thing in general.
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Interesting question. While I've never been with a bi man, I've known some straight femmish men and wonder if bi men have a sort of femme quality to them? I like my men to be men, and my women to be women. Although in Shot at Love, Dani made me rethink that held belief, because it is interesting the male inside female personality (anyone notice that Bobby was female inside male?).
Bi guys, please don't take the following personally. I would like to bring this up for discussion purposes.
Back when AIDS first became known, it was apparent that it was spreading fastest in the male gay community. Something about male on male sex made it more risky. Therefore, it's always been a turn off for me because it seemed most dangerous. Perhaps that is a silly belief, but a hard feeling to shake. -
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Yup my impression is that folks are still a bit gun-shy, so to speak, when it comes to bi men for that reason.
As a result, I've felt I needed to play safer than your average person and get tested regularly, to maintain my reputation as a lower-risk bi guy. This strategy has kept me clean and my partners feeling a bit safer too.
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Must be nice for girls to be the gender that's encouraged by society to be bi-sexual, and not having the disease stigma, since it's pretty hard to pass HIV with your hand, or even your tongue.
I didn't take the whole AIDs thing personally, but I can't help but flinch when someone says that because a guy is bi, he isn't a "man."
Bi men aren't usually femme, in my experience, though they may be pretty. I have a problem with finding guys I like because I don't like effeminate men, so usually the guys I hook up with aren't gay, but just "part-time" cock lovers.
-Sean
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"While I've never been with a bi man, I've known some straight femmish men and wonder if bi men have a sort of femme quality to them?"
Some do, some don't.
"I like my men to be men, and my women to be women. Although in Shot at Love, Dani made me rethink that held belief, because it is interesting the male inside female personality (anyone notice that Bobby was female inside male?)."
Bobby was very unafraid of his fem side, which l really liked.
l tend to like men who are manly, but if they're so manly that they don't acknowledge and fear their feminine side, l'm not likely to be as into them. This is something l always look for in the men l date. Same goes for women - if they're tomboyish, awesome, so am l, but if they're so afraid of their femininity that all l see is the male, well, there's really no point in dating them. l guess l like my lovers and mates to be genderbalanced.
"Back when AIDS first became known, it was apparent that it was spreading fastest in the male gay community. Something about male on male sex made it more risky. Therefore, it's always been a turn off for me because it seemed most dangerous. Perhaps that is a silly belief, but a hard feeling to shake.''
lt was more common among gay males because anal sex was more common among gay males. The vagina is better built for penetration, and is usually more resilient for the simple fact that that is one of its purposes. Therefore, there are not likely to be microtears or broken capillaries or blood vessels, both are more common in anal sex because of the stretching that can happen if the anus is unaccustomed to that size penis. So is it the male on male that bothers you, or is it the anal? As Kim brought up somewhere, l believe, not all gay or bi men have anal sex, which means it's not necessarily more risky. And it's only more risky if the parties involved aren't having safe sex, or if any microtears happen and the partner doing the penetrating also has a scratch or wound on his penis. -
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<So is it the male on male that bothers you, or is it the anal? As Kim brought up somewhere, l believe, not all gay or bi men have anal sex, which means it's not necessarily more risky. >
Hmmm. Well I'd not really thought about it before, but I guess I'd have to say it's the anal that bothers me, because it's risky, because men having attraction to men doesn't bother me, I see it all the time here in LA. If I were dating a man who told me that he's bi, it would make me pause because I wouldn't know what to do with that information. I'm open minded and how could I say anything really without sounding like an idiot, since I'm bi? but it does bother me a bit plus I'm still working out how I feel about my bisexuality in conjunction with my faith, and I'd want the person I'm with to have the faith that I do and it's hard to find. I guess it would come down to, are we each other's primary because it would only work if there is one primary, and there is a commitment there that places you above other's needs if they are in a relationship with someone else. I've always gravitated towards men that were in relationships with other women, oddly enough, because I've never wanted someone to go nuts over me in love, it scares me, but at some point I would want that when I'm ready, and I'd hate the rug to be pulled out from under me if he decided he preferred making the male friend their primary. -
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"Hmmm. Well I'd not really thought about it before, but I guess I'd have to say it's the anal that bothers me, because it's risky, because men having attraction to men doesn't bother me, I see it all the time here in LA"
Okay, then let's be clear, because again, it's risky, but any unprotected sex is. Anal isn't risky if both partners are clean - and it'd be a real disservice to the men who engage in anal sex that are - or using protection.
"lf I were dating a man who told me that he's bi, it would make me pause because I wouldn't know what to do with that information. I'm open minded and how could I say anything really without sounding like an idiot, since I'm bi? but it does bother me a bit"
Okay (and you don't sound like an idiot, okay?), what bothers you? Now that you know that protected anal is less risky, what's the real deal?
"plus I'm still working out how I feel about my bisexuality in conjunction with my faith, and I'd want the person I'm with to have the faith that I do and it's hard to find."
There are men that share your faith. But you are limited, since it seems your faith doesn't condone homosexuality. l can't remember...are you a Christian? lf so (just for clarification), what denomination?
" guess it would come down to, are we each other's primary because it would only work if there is one primary, and there is a commitment there that places you above other's needs if they are in a relationship with someone else."
You mention 'primary', which implies you are poly.....but based on other opinions, l'm not sure if you are, so again, clarification, are you? lf so, l would like to share my personal opinion that having a primary does not mean that one person's needs are more important than the other's. To me it means that an understanding has been established that one is more connected - but no less important. Just sayin. :)
"'ve always gravitated towards men that were in relationships with other women, oddly enough, because I've never wanted someone to go nuts over me in love, it scares me,"
That's a challenging thing to share, and thank you for doing so. l, for one, feel that fear.
"at some point I would want that when I'm ready, and I'd hate the rug to be pulled out from under me if he decided he preferred making the male friend their primary."
So ask him up front which he prefers, and if you have a reason to be worried. But because you are both bi, what matters is making sure he will be honest with you about his attractions. lt's not like you're not both bi, so he might very well have the same reservations, no? This boils down to honesty, not preference. Hopefully, he will understand his own fears and your situation enough to tell you where his preference lies, and how that will relate to you. :) -
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<Okay, then let's be clear, because again, it's risky, but any unprotected sex is. Anal isn't risky if both partners are clean - and it'd be a real disservice to the men who engage in anal sex that are - or using protection. >
Well. I guess so.
<Okay (and you don't sound like an idiot, okay?), what bothers you? Now that you know that protected anal is less risky, what's the real deal? >
I dunno. Odds of condom breaking?
<There are men that share your faith. But you are limited, since it seems your faith doesn't condone homosexuality. l can't remember...are you a Christian? lf so (just for clarification), what denomination? >
I'm non-deominational Christian. There are men who share my faith, but none I know of that would accept my being bi, or are bi themselves. My faith doesn't condone it, but it's something I don't know how to address. I have contradictory feelings and thoughts on the subject.
<You mention 'primary', which implies you are poly.....but based on other opinions, l'm not sure if you are, so again, clarification, are you?>
I can't say for sure, but I think it would be nice to have a g-f and a b-f at the same time. Then my life would be complete so to speak. I think? Never done it so don't know for sure. But I feel I'm changing also, where maybe just one person would be better...people are far too complicated to have 2 people that close to me at once perhaps.
<"I've always gravitated towards men that were in relationships with other women, oddly enough, because I've never wanted someone to go nuts over me in love, it scares me,"
That's a challenging thing to share, and thank you for doing so. l, for one, feel that fear. >
Yea, I'm either the one going nuts over someone and my intensity scares someone else, or am the one who is aloof. It's never been both people feeling intense...at least I don't remember it ever being that way. *thinking* no...I don't think so. -
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"<Okay (and you don't sound like an idiot, okay?), what bothers you? Now that you know that protected anal is less risky, what's the real deal? >
I dunno. Odds of condom breaking?"
Those are pretty low, as long as the lube is rubber-friendly. This is still assuming a worst-case scenario - that your bi man is (a) having sex with someone who is HIV positive, (b) that the condom will break, and (c) that both you and your bi man will contract HIV as a result.
lt's assuming a lot, despite the number of HIV positive people out there.
This is easily solved with regular testing of all parties involved, and careful screening in general. And that's still assuming the bi man you're hypothetically dating does anal.
"I'm non-deominational Christian. There are men who share my faith, but none I know of that would accept my being bi, or are bi themselves. My faith doesn't condone it, but it's something I don't know how to address. I have contradictory feelings and thoughts on the subject."
l would imagine you do. l don't believe you're alone in that particular dilemma.
"I can't say for sure, but I think it would be nice to have a g-f and a b-f at the same time. Then my life would be complete so to speak. I think? Never done it so don't know for sure. But I feel I'm changing also, where maybe just one person would be better...people are far too complicated to have 2 people that close to me at once perhaps."
Maybe, maybe not. l find one of the biggest benefits of that arrangement is having two people who understand me in unique ways, and it lessens the pressure of having to expect all of that from one person. But l would recommend some literature if you haven't done it before - there are some good guides that help explain how it all works and answer a bunch of common questions.
"Yea, I'm either the one going nuts over someone and my intensity scares someone else, or am the one who is aloof. It's never been both people feeling intense...at least I don't remember it ever being that way. *thinking* no...I don't think so."
l'm like that in some ways. l had the 'both of us being intense' thing, which is pretty overwhelming at times too. Wonderful, but overwhelming.
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In addition to the mechanical issues (micro-tears, etc), it appears that some of the cells in the rectal lining are more susceptible to infection. This differences in cell structures (and the chemical environment) are one reason that unprotected oral sex is extremely low risk while anal is high risk.
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And this is why, despite my attraction to both sexes, I call myself pansexual and not bisexual. I like genderqueer folks...ie butch girls and femme-y guys. That's the way I like them. The whole "men being men and women being women" thing does little for me. Pansexual speaks to the fact that there are more than two genders ie. feminine female and masculine male. Most bi folks I run into don't get my desires. I just say I'm queer and save myself the trouble of explaining "pansexual" most of the time though.
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I don't know why, but the term "pansexual" brings to mind that half goat half person thing playing the pan flute :-)
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Pretty solid agreement with Laurynx. One of the descriptions I really like is "sapiosexual"... It's not a "smart" thing for me -- it's not that I'm aroused by people who I perceive to be smarter or anything, but simply a more accurate description of the fact that for myself, body type / size / shape plays such a small role in my interest in people as to be basically trivial. I don't find Paris Hilton attractive for example, but even if I did think she epitomized my idea of physical beauty, I would never want to be with her romantically or sexually because her personality is a major turn-off. On the other hand, while I've heard other guys (who I try not to associate with much) refer to Janeane Garofalo as a "fat cow" (how they can perceive her as being morbidly obese is beyond me), I have the feeling I would enjoy dating her irrespective of the fact that I happen to find her physically attractive. Though most of the time I just say I'm bi and avoid the discussion of what pansexuality or sapiosexuality means.
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I refer to myself as pansexual, too, but only when I'm willing to have that discussion about rejecting binary gender and heteronormative roles. I don't sweat someone calling them self bisexual; I figure if they've gotten that far we can probably get past the gender definitions issue. But then, hell, sometimes my desires surprise *me.* I recently got quite crushed out on a person whose presentation isn't something I usually go for but somehow the fact that he's trans changed my reaction.
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Just wanted to comment.
I would date a transexual MtoF if he/she looked really good as a woman. I would date a transexual FtoM if they looked really good as a man.
I'm a little weird in that I like my men to look like men and my women to look like women. But that's just me. -
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My dream is for a presurgical MtoF. It would be great to be able to play with "her" tits while sucking "his" cock.
Of course, "she" would have to be attractive enough to get my interest in the first place. Not gorgeous model material but not masculine arms, legs and face. I prefer bi men and women myself but a nice looking MtoF that still has a cock is a masturbatory fantasy for me.
Just my two cents. BTW..my wife knows I'm bi and has shared a couple of my lovers with me. She has the desire to try the lifestyle herself but her "newbie nerves" keep getting in the way. Maybe someday....sigh.
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I prefer dating/getting into serious relationships with bi/gay men and as far as women go if I were going to date or get into a serious relationship with a woman I'd only do this with a bi/dyke.
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Bykes. Haha. I read an interview with Dani earlier. She called herself a Futch. Haha. Futch.
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>I read an interview with Dani earlier. She called herself a Futch. Haha. Futch.<
Who is Dani? Do you have a link to the interview?
BTW cute kitty in the Xmas hat. Mine looks like that. -
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Dani is a female, kinda butchy but not really, who was in the Shot at Love TV show. Here's a link to the interview: www.buddytv.com/articles/a...-15046.aspx
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I am just speaking for myself....
I love bi men, but my heart had been broken by a couple who decided they were actually gay.
If I decide to be with a man, he is normally straight.
oceane -
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I've only had the pleasure of dating one bi man, but I certainly prefer that my guys be bi. There is an openess and understanding of sexuality with the bi community, both male and female, that straight people often dont understand. This is not to say that all of them dont, or that all bi people do, but in my (limited) experience, I've found that bi men are more compatible with me, mentally. And then of course, its always nice in a poly setting having everyone completely comfortable with whatever might happen.
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I'm a bi dyke and really prefer bi men. Mostly because they are more open to anal play, make themselves emotionally available and vulnerable, and are playful. The things that turn me off about str8 dudes are their need to prove their maleness, the idea that u dating women somehow makes them 'less of a man', and when they blame their own emotional shortcomings on being a man.
bi-guys are more flexible their needs are going to change and so are yours. It makes the discussion on the limits and boundries of your relationship easy to have on a regular basis and also usually allows the relationship to take any form you can think of, not just the limited selection available in popular American culture. -
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Tiff says those are some of the same reasons she's preferred me over the straight men she's dated. I'm the only bi man she's dated.
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I personally enjoy being bi. A part of it in proving my "maleness" for me is creating a mess that I don't need. I also have needs that a woman will try to provide wich I appreciate but cannot provide. To me love between 2 members of the same gender is equal as a heterosexual relationship. It's all mutual respect, compatibility, etc.
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Yup strap-ons are nice but I prefer the real thing :)
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Unsu...
It seems that I may be in the minority here, but I prefer hetero men and bi or homosexual women. Not sure why this is. I know that I definitely prefer femme women to more masculine women, and prefer more masculine men to effeminate men...which isn't to say that bisexual men can't also be masculine. My threesome fantasies usually involve me with a man and a woman, me with two women or if there is to be an MFM I prefer that most of the attention *comes* my way. I suppose I'm just selfish that way.
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"Selfish Fantasy" (?)
06/23> ...if there is to be an MFM I prefer that
> most of the attention *comes* my way.
> I suppose I'm just selfish that way.
it's *your* fantasy girl be as selfish as you want to be.
I love a man that is a man.
I love a woman that is a woman.
but, mostly I love it when we are real; or create a place where we *can* be real.
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As a bi-guy, I certainly prefer the openness of bi-girls. I find that jealousy is usually less of an issue and since I'm polyamorous as well, that's a HUGE plus. Recently, I had the opportunity to share a lovely night with a pair of bi-girls and everything went as close to perfect as one can imagine. It helped that all involved were poly, bi, and kinky as all get out, but I suspect we'd have all gotten along well if all we were doing was watching Seinfeld.
Would I ever go back to dating straight, monogamous women? Not likely. I just don't have the patience for that anymore.
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I prefer bi guys to straight ones.
Basically, to me, it's just another level that we're connected on. That and it makes group sex much more fun! ;-)
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Oh, bi guy for sure! I want to watch. :P Just kidding.
Seriously though, while I've dated bi ans straight and know that either cam turn out to be jerks, it is the bi guys who get my vote. For all the reasons already mentioned. Straight guys, even the open minded one (who sometimes bug me even more than a main stream kinda guy might) tend to just not "get it" about me being bi. I am not your average "beauty", I tend to lean towards being FTM if anything, more masculine looking than the average woman. Yet very fem looking too? So straight guys might not be able to wrap their minds around that part of either my looks or personality, and often aren't attracted to me anyhow.
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I don't go out searching for bi-men, for I am attracted to a person, not a sexuality. However, if it turns out that the man has some bisexual tendencies, that's usually pretty cool for me because that means he would like anal play, and I really like to play with men in that way. ;)
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Okay, so I just tried to post this on craigslist, and for various reasons I can't get it postted right now (tried to delete it and repost in the correct category, but won't let me repost it) , so i thought, since we're oon the subjuct here anyhow, here's my ad:
"think like a guy, and sometimes I act like a guy. So why should it surprise guys when I treat them exactly the way they treat me? I discovered CL about three years ago. Two guys I've met have become F**kbuddies sort of accidently because there was chemistry. But they were nothing like what I was looking for in a LTR. But I told one of them (because he answered an ad in THIS category) that it would not go beyond a few nights. When I fell in love with him, he ignored it. After two years, I finally dumped him and he didn't understand why??
The other guy is still around, but answered an ad in the LTR category, and doesn't want a committment to me, so I see him when it's convenient for me (he lives far away), since he isn't interested in this being a LTR even though he answered an ad in that category!
So is it really surprising that I'm going to post here, an ad that states clearly that I am ONLY interested in tonight. IF there is chemistry we can discuss options. But if you aren't interested in a LTR at all, then understand that I am NOT interested in anything ongoing unless it's serious, I have enough FWB's already!
That said, I wanna get fucked tonight. LOL, if you have a sense of humor, write!"
So if you actually liked my ad, PM me here, don't high jack this thread, it just suddenly dawned on me that it might be relevant here? if you didn't like my ad or have questions, feel free to ask, flame away or just ignore.
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Unsu...
I have no preference, but I just seem to end up with bi men, and I'm not sure why. I can say that I have trouble understanding being attracted exclusively to one gender with no exceptions.
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I don't know how many bi men I've slept with, whether it be many or few... Some of them weren't sure themselves, some just didn't discuss it, and a few of them surprised me by being adamantly bi *or* straight. I find that I really like sex with people who've thought about their sexuality rather than living with the stereotyped assumptions. I don't really care what orientation they identify with - if any - I want to know that they know that aspect of themselves well.
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Thanks to all for their comments.... and I hope it doesnt stop here.
Thought I'd add my own as well.
I have met few women accepting of Bi guys.And have dated only one. Many Ive met have the perception that bi guys must be effimate to some degree. Which is so very far and away from what Ive seen and met. VERY far and away!
Also I found it hopeful that there are women out there who view it as another plane to connect on. Because that is exactly the way Ive always seen it. Simply another aspect to explore together... added depth if you will.
Granted that depth isnt free...seems to come with complexity thats not always welcome.
Additionally the added dimensions of play... thats fantastic to me. Glad to hear some women agree with that too. Its not all sex... but having another whose ideas run with yours certainly creates openness for creativity. I think thats because there is more openess about sexuality in general.
I used to try to date only bi girls because they seemed to be so much more in touch with their sexuality than straight girls. Thats probably softened some as Ive grow older. Maybe more of those women "found" their sexuality as time went on. Or at least acknowledged it! LOL.
Thanks again for sharing. Some of those thoughts were certainly closely held.
-LH
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Thanks to all for their comments.... and I hope it doesnt stop here.
Thought I'd add my own as well.
I have met few women accepting of Bi guys.And have dated only one. Many Ive met have the perception that bi guys must be effimate to some degree. Which is so very far and away from what Ive seen and met. VERY far and away!
Also I found it hopeful that there are women out there who view it as another plane to connect on. Because that is exactly the way Ive always seen it. Simply another aspect to explore together... added depth if you will.
Granted that depth isnt free...seems to come with complexity thats not always welcome.
Additionally the added dimensions of play... thats fantastic to me. Glad to hear some women agree with that too. Its not all sex... but having another whose ideas run with yours certainly creates openness for creativity. I think thats because there is more openess about sexuality in general.
I used to try to date only bi girls because they seemed to be so much more in touch with their sexuality than straight girls. Thats probably softened some as Ive grow older. Maybe more of those women "found" their sexuality as time went on. Or at least acknowledged it! LOL.
Thanks again for sharing. Some of those thoughts were certainly closely held.
-LH
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I have dated and have loved being with bi men. Prefer? Maybe. I think bi guys are more accepting/understanding of me as a bi woman and about gay/bi issues in general (a big part of my life), so that was an advantage. Of course, the best part was that it turned me on to hear about their guy-on-guy action and that it could be part of our sex life. You sure don't get that with a straight guy.
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I am thrilled that my boyfriend is becoming more comfortable with exploring his feminine side. He's actually ready for the right man to come into our lives. We've have trysts with women, but he's ready to work it the other way around.
Personally, I love the thought of the symbiosis of 2 completely bi couples, either MF MF, or MM FF, playing together. Everyone pleasuring and being pleasured by everyone else. What could possibly be better? -
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There are so many comments that I have not been able to read them all but the one's I've read have been wonderfully informative. I find this a great question!!
My current boyfriend calls himself "bi curious" but from what I've seen he's definitely all bi. One thing I love about it is that we comment on and look at men (and women) together and it's so much fun! The other day we saw this hot guy and my boyfriend said hi to him and I smiled. He looked over at me and he said, "are you smiling because you think he's hot or because you know I think he's hot?" and I said, "BOTH!"
My other male lovers are bi as well and it's just so darn hot all around - talking about other men and sharing fantasies! The other thing I love about my bi male lovers is that they love strap on play. What more could a girl ask for?!
I have been with many straight men as well and though some of them have been understanding of all sexual orientations, there was just something missing that I can't quite put my finger on. For me, I feel more connected somehow to my bi lovers.
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i'm another sapiosexual bi/queer/pansexual (assorted labels all describing subsets of the same territory). of late i have had the pleasure of making delicious, deep, spiritual, hot hot hot connections with several men who also happened to be bisexual. i don't want to assume a causal relationship there, but it's the kind of positive that will still probably sway my future attractions, right up there with my infamous "vocabulary turn-on".
okay, and the allure of an entire added *dimension* in bed...who could deny that? not i.
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I'm a bit on the greedy side but I perfer my man that can handle just womyn. So straight for me...but can handle two womyn.
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I am for the first time dating a bi-guy who slants more towards men and he is hot! We are fantasizing about going out hunting to bring another guy into our bedroom. The thought of two men turns me on if they don't shut me out when we are all together so it would have to be the right guy and being that my partner has trouble concentrating on more than one person at a time I would have to handle it delicately. I am open to experimenting with my sexuality although I have not been with another woman yet either. Still just one on one men but I was assured that I am not Vanilla! In my head I would love to be entertained by two bi-men now I just have to wait and see if my fantasy becomes reality.
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Hi everybody, I am new to this subject but I must say I am very much interested.
I am a straight guy, divorced and have never had a bi-experience in my life. I am,
however, more and more interested in trying one and would like to meet a nice
couple where the husband is bi. I think I would enjoy that, though I don't really know
what to expect. Is that weird thinking or is it normal to want to try this? I would like
to hear from those who know more about it and who can give me some advice. It
is at a moment in my life where I am free to discover things which I thought of before
as not normal but I really would love to try.
Any opinions on that?
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I also have to agree that I prefer a bi man to a straight one.
I married a bi man and we've been together for 23 years. He's seen me with women and I've seen him with men.
Our inner energies seem to be much more balanced than other straight couples we know. We seem to be closer emotionally, and sexually as a couple.
Then there's the day to day things. For instance, he cooks and washes the dishes. He buys clothes for me that make me look great, and not just my underwear. He loves art, almost never watches all the games; is intelligent, creative, knows female bullshit as well as male bullshit, and does not tolerate either.
He just does not have all the hang-ups most straight men have, so he operates on a different level, and and concerns himself more with the more important things in life.
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too funny... this topic has been up/running for over 7 mos and still gets comments. im surprised i never spent my 2-cents, so here goes.
howdee amy - it was a bit confusing to me to see jon (i assume) as your profile photo when answering this question. your situation sounds like the "ideal" i had wished for myself when i was going thru my "bi-phase" from straight-to-gay. im still not completely-gay, but have found it is just too hard to find an "ideal" situation like youve described for yourself. congrats.
converting the question into one that makes a bit-more-sense to me (as a guy) - ill say i prefer a bi-guy to either a straight-one, a purely-gay-one, OR a bi-on-the-downlow guy. i appreciate being able to relate to all the sexuality aspects without having my comments and viewpoints criticized for their content - either straight or gay or whatever. otoh, it is just easier for me (these days) to find gay guys and then feel-them-out for their bi-tolerance...
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My husband is "bi-sensual", and there are so many more places where we overlap and connect than I've *ever* had with my straight partners. He's not scared or threatened by my sexuality; he *gets* it, which is HUGE!!! The ebb and flow work really nicely.
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Basically, bisensual tends to mean that you're happy kissing and feeling up your same-gendered partners with clothing barriers, but that penetration, orally, digitally, or genitally, is not so very appealing. Does that make sense? Or some degree of some of those things, but that the more traditional gay/bi level of interaction is just a *bit* too much to be appealing. :o) ~ Misha
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Love the questions. I am now single after wife#2 decided she was done with sex and didn't like my adult children. Still attracted to and love wife #1 who never re-married and now my best friend and companion, but she thinks I am just gay! If she accepted me for who I am, I would stay with her until one of us dies. I have had gay partners in my early 20's, eventually decided I was bi and later got married, raised wonderful young people, wife #1 decided I lied about being gay - didn't - but different perspectives! I have explored my sexuality to the point of knowing "who I am" and therefore I do not accept any labels. (I have decided to accept all of the labels - I can just about any of the words sink in and refer to myself and feel that the word is true for me. For example: I am gay - great, no problem - but it doesn't change my attraction for women. Or, ok, I am bisexual - true, I like both women and men sexually and sometime emotionally- still doesn't change anything. Or, I am straight - Naw - doesn't work at all!)
Really, I am most attracted to the person and yet love aspects of sex with men that is entirely different than what I love about sex with a woman. Not mutually exclusive! I have thought that maybe I just need to find a wonderful bi woman as a primary partner/lover and even wife and be able to have a boyfriend bi or gay, or occasional dates with guys I like. Ideally I would like to find a woman and a man who did not have self-identifying, self-limiting labels and take it from there! Sigh! -
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<<I do not accept any labels. (I have decided to accept all of the labels - I can just about any of the words sink in and refer to myself and feel that the word is true for me. For example: I am gay - great, no problem - but it doesn't change my attraction for women. Or, ok, I am bisexual - true, I like both women and men sexually and sometime emotionally- still doesn't change anything. Or, I am straight - Naw - doesn't work at all!) >>
thanks, jimmy. i really related to that!
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If I like the guy it really does not matter if he is bi or straight.
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Unsu...
Sorrell wrote:
>I don't put my sexuality on the table.
>That means that I generally attract what I put out into the universe....doesn't mean that I always get a fantastic person though!
Actually, and I say this gently, the logic in this proposition seems to be somewhat reversed. If like attracts like, then not putting your sexuality on the table may attract persons who do something very similar. The question is, "What does 'similar' mean?"
Americans are the most sexually obsessed people on the planet, but also the most puritan and sexually confused. Putting one's sexuality on the table is an interesting way of putting it, and I take no issue with the way you put it. But that raises another question.
It is:
So what's wrong with putting one's sexuality on the table? Is sexuality only an optional commodity? Or is it not central to who and what we are as a person? If we should choose to "put it out on the table," how can we do it artfully, without being trivial, crude or juvenile?
Finally, I [gently] disagree with the assumption that everyone is bisexual. That's a very old notion and IMO, it's way overused. People are very different. Russell Crowe is almost certainly not a closet case. Tom Cruise almost certainly is. There are a jillion shades of gray in between. Everyone, therefore, is not "fair game," especially if one actually wants a sense of intimacy and erotic compatibility. Emotional fulfillment, not just orgasms, actually count for quite a lot. Before we find the "right" person, therefore, I am thinking we need to really know ourselves. Then, assuming like attracts like, we might actually get what we want.
In summary, I am emphatically not an undifferentiated lump of protoplasm. I am not a bisexual amoeba. Individuality counts for quite a lot and, yes, one's unique erotic identity--which is essentially mysterious and usually tends to evade easy labels--is often sitting there at the very center of one's individuality, feeling pretty vulnerable and very neglected . What to do about it? That brings us back full circle. Again, I think it's absolutely essential that we find ways to put our sexuality on the table in ways that are artful, honest and appropriate. It is, after all, at the very core of our existence.
And yes, I prefer it if the woman I am dating is herself open-minded and likes girl-on-girl experience, as well as boy-on-boy experience. I'm greedy that way. I can't imagine going back to the old vanilla standard anytime soon, let me tell you.
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