Biguys and Straight girls

This is why I refuse to get involved with hetero women.
I can't give them the relationship that they want.
I'm not into even having serious relationships with women.
I'm fine with having a friendship with benefits or just VERY casual dating where we have just sex.

ok - soulself, you love your girlfriend for who she is - and that is (you tell us) a heterosexual monogamous female. youve decided that something is "missing" from your life. at first you thought it had to do with your bisexuality, since she is not male. now, youve come to the conclusion that it is polyamory - since you would like to "add" a male into your relationship repertoire. lets just work with the idea that you are currently unsatisfied with the relationship (with your girlfriend) as it stands.

it seems to me that either issue could be brought into a discussion with your girlfriend in a non-threatening way. perhaps it has been a long time since you mentioned your bisexuality to her and you just need her to acknowledge your feelings again. i would bring up the discussion in a query that started along the lines of - "im thinking of adding some spice or kinkiness to our sexual relationship - what are your thoughts?" if she is GGG (as dan savage would explain), then she should be willing to listen to you (at least). and guess what, you will need to listen to her too... she may be perfectly happy with the relationship as it stands or maybe she has some of her own desires that youre not meeting. if you engage in the conversation with love, then maybe between the two of you - yall can work out something that will satisfy your needs...

there is a lot of satisfaction that can be gained thru innocent flirting - and maybe you just need to let her know that you would like to flirt with some guys for awhile. if yall havent had the bisexuality discussion in a long time, id warn her before actually doing the flirting. if it really is a polyamory issue, then it might truly be a deal-breaker. bottom line is - you wont know the specifics without bringing them up to her and having the discussion(s).

otoh, there are lots and lots of preparatory thought processes that you can do beforehand. some of them youre doing here - asking others and listening to your own responses for clarifications. another would be to imagine some alternative scenarios and work out how your feelings might change. for example, what if your girlfriend were actually a boyfriend - do you think you would feel the need to seek out womens attentions? would it be about the fact that it is the relationship-opposite sex? or would it be about the limitations of monogamy? another example, what if your girlfriend approached YOU about opening up the relationship? would you be jealous? remember, she would be saying this in spite of all the good things within your own relationship... how far would you allow yourself to go before you feel youd betrayed something important in your relationship? how far would you allow HER to go before you think that she had betrayed something important?

the issue could be something totally unrelated to bisexuality or polyamory. maybe there has been a shift in the power-dynamics of your relationship. i, personally, have found that sex - in particular - has a lot to do with feelings of power. hence there is a bdsm fetish that is fairly universal. love, otoh, is usually not about power - at least it isnt for me.

ok - this is a long first post, but ive been lurking here for quite awhile and am intensely curious to find out how this situation plays out... i, personally, have never entered into a relationship with full bisexuality disclosure. whenever im in a relationship with a straight gal - im just straight - and eventually i drive them away when the "bi" feelings get too strong to ignore. thus, i could be completely off-base with anything ive said. i truly wish you luck.

Did you do it? Talk to her or write her a letter?

Cindy,
You've pretty much nailed it.
We've talked about it at length... over several years.
And she's just not wired for it.

uh - did i say somethin wrong? maybe the adjective harsh was inappropriate - but i was trying to be compassionate otherwise. i sincerely do wish him luck. i guess _I_ was feeling that if i was putting my own emotional energy into a man that is just dealing with his fantasies, that i was wasting my time. i like to be upfront as much as possible - and i would expect the same in return. sometimes we really are just confused - and for that, i would sincerely offer to help as much as i can. at this point, i realized _I_ was confused and wanted some clarifications from him...

ali - you might be right (altho i feel it is far from obvious to me what the problems are) - i should probably step away from this discussion for awhile. soul - good luck. feel free to keep chatting, and unless asked - ill refrain from volunteering my thoughts (at least for awhile). :)